Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Charles Flandit

Charles doesn't have much to say. Although he is 43 years old his brain never advanced past the age of 4. Also, he has completed 1st grade, but Ms. Kurl can't seem to get him to pass 2nd grade. Charles' favorite question is "Cookie is mine?" So much so that he says nothing else even though his mother (who lives in a nursing home) stopped allowing him to have cookies when he was 6. Charles would like a nice lady to give him a hig and take him home...only is she has cookies...

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Marge


Marge lives up in a comfy cloud in the sky and visits Earth to see her friends. She would like to go to NYU to study music, because she believes that her giant mouth exists to bring everyone beautiful songs (unfortunately Marge's mother has actually gone deaf from her constant singing).

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Alan Carson

Alan is a very angry bird. He has been walking all of his life on his flippers. His feet serve no purpose and he would be too fat to use them anyway. As a result, Alan sulks around and tends to slap anyone who takes an awkward look at him and his mode of transportation. Unfortunately for him, his flippers are too heavy to let him fly (though he can swim nicely) so he cannot join the birds that gossip about him up in the air. In his spare time, Alan works towards and dreams of become world leader, so that he may punish every mocking being, and form an extremely large following of misfits.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Chester


Chester comes from Antarctica. His only reason to visit the crazy state of South Carolina was the warmer climate. Plus he was looking for a nice pairing in Charleston of intense heritage tourism and booze. Next he would like to try visiting Atlanta, Georgia. He hears that the big chick is simply marvelous. If you live in Atlanta, send him a hello. He is looking for a dame to marry so he can get citizenship and not go back to living with the penguins.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Duncan Crawlit

Duncan started growing his mustache at age 3 and started drinking at age 5. On his tenth birthday his dad gave him his "Booty Hunter" trucker hat because he was coming of age and his dad wanted to make sure that Duncan always had his eye on the correct prize: hot, HOT women! Duncan lives in a very popular southern trailer park which takes it's pride on the highest number of illegitimate births each year. Sometimes Duncan feels so classy that he thinks the highly sophisticated Great American Trailer Park Musical was written about his life. If you ever want to find Duncan, just look to the nearest strip club...where he...works...

Monday, May 3, 2010

Boris Hildrison Reborn


Six months ago Boris was walking down the road and was run over by a bull. it caused him much injury, including a broken jaw and a loss of most of his skull. He doesn't know what was wrong with the bull, but since he was in Spain he should have read Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises. Hemingway knew those bull's were spawn's of Satan. Boris' freak accident has made him friends with Chadley, but Chadley now has a crush on Claudia, so they have been in many fights lately. Boris believes that half a brain is sexier and more seductive to gaze at than half a torso, plus Boris brought home a fancy souvenir wheelchair home from the hospital for her, so he's certainly got it in the bag!

Billy Kipton

Billy is looking for his home. While he was 3rd grade a year ago he learned all about the animal kingdom. His favorite species were octopi and spiders because of the connection to his multiple legs. Of course he saw the animal's similarities to himself, but the more the thought about it the more he doubted himself. Billy does not know where he came from, whether it was a lovely octopus women, or a giant tarantula. He would love to know who is ancestors are so he is thinking of writing Oprah and having his story told nationwide.